Lord, You know all things…

“Hanbyul, Do you truly love me more than these? 
Yes, Lord, You know that I love You.
Hanbyul, Do you truly love me?
Yes, Lord, You know that I love You.
Hanbyul, Do you love me?
Lord, You know all things. You know that I love You…”

Jesus asked me this question my freshman year during my first SG Bible study. I never understood why it hurt Peter.  B/c Jesus asked him three times?  B/c Jesus changed His question from agape to phileo? A different reason? It didn’t really hurt too much when Jesus first asked me that question.
Many years past since then.  Many of “these” have come into my life.  Many of “these” have been taken away. 

Jesus asks me again. 
“Do you love me more than these?”
I answer.
“Lord, You know all things. You know I love you…”
Now it hurts. I love “these” so much. It hurts b/c I have to let go. It hurts b/c I don’t even know if I love Him.
But Jesus knows all things… And His love compels me to love Him. His grace helps me to let go of “these”.
So that I can feed His sheep…

I thought surrendering my wishes and dreams and things I don’t have was hard. But now I see a glimpse of how hard it is to surrender what I have. I don’t know how Abraham, Sarah and Isaac did it….
How…?    Lord, You know all things…

God wants Salt on His offering…?

This summer I am studying Leviticus w/ an awesome friend.
We’re only on chapter 2 and it has been AMAZING!!
I was in charge of studying chapter 2 this week. It was about grain offering.
God specifically says (vs 11-13) that He wants salt on it and not honey.    

‘SALT?? Why God?’  I like sweet things more than salty things. 
Being a nutrition major I wanted to know why God wants salt on His offering. 

So I looked it up. 
Sprinkling of salt has many meanings-purification, preservation etc. I’ve heard that before. So it wasn’t as satisfying to me.
Why was God soooo specific about using salt on His sacrifice?  
Then I saw it!  Ancient people would eat salt when forming friendships. It was to symbolize an enduring relationship.  Salt was a symbol of the covenant of Grace (Spurgeon) and God’s relationship w/ us!
God wanted His people to remember His covenant and relationship when offering Him sacrifices. And they had to do it everyday!
(“Covenant of salt” was also mentioned in Num 18:19, 2 Chron 13:5… And I didn’t even know…)

Then Jesus’ Words  “You are the SALT of the earth” came to me w/ a deeper meaning.
If I’m salt…
Then my life should remind people of God’s covenant with us. 
(Like when the rainbow shines in the sky! I’m like a rainbow!?)
My life (failure and success) should show God’s covenant of Grace.  
My relationship w/ Him should show His desire to have a relationship w/ His people.
But, am I? Even to the people closest to me…?

I wanna be like salt! I want people who have misunderstandings about my God, know that He is good. How, then, God?

Where would I be if I didn’t know God…

A couple weeks ago someone messed with my car while I was at wed pm.  And God’s been teaching me so many things through it.  Especially about how much I should be praying for the campus and this world.

God must really love the person who did this to my car…

He wanted me to specifically pray for the person that he or they will come to know Him.
Some were saying how bad that person was and stuff. I, of course was agreeing to that.
But God quietly rebuked me by saying that actually I am the bad person if I didn’t pray for Him.  B/c he probably didn’t know what he was doing anyway…
So I prayed that I’ll get to meet him one day when He becomes Christian. Maybe in heaven?

But this heart wouldn’t have been so easily changed if I didn’t go through last year’s experience in Italy.
I was with my dad. We were on our way to St. Peter’s Basilica. As we were getting on a really crowded subway, a group of guys (way bigger than me) pick-pocketed my dad’s coin purse. My dad didn’t know but I saw them looking in something that looked like his coin purse.
What the heck!? I asked my dad if he lost it to make sure.  Then came out the crazy side of me.

Before I knew it I slapped the guy who was holding the wallet on the back! And boldly said “GIVE IT BACK” holding my hand out. He acted as if he didn’t know what I was talking about. So I looked straight in his eyes and kept my hand out. The guys kept acting dumb and then finally the guy pointed to the floor. We looked and saw that the guy dropped it on the floor of the subway. Then the subway door opened and the guys got off laughing at us.

I was upset the WHOLE day… And was thinking to myself God will bring justice. He deserves to die. blah blah blah… I was so mad at the person who did this to my dad.

Then we got to St. Peter’s Basilica. There was a prayer area. I decided to go in. (One thing I loved about Italy were that there were so many churches w/ much prayer history. Though they are all dead now.) There I let out all my anger and upset heart about what happened earlier. Asking God to give that guy what he deserves and all that. Even imagining him in hell! (oh my~ I was a little extreme.)

But then…. That’s when God showed me that’s not what He wants. 
And comes God’s quiet answer. “I love him too”.  WHAT?? “He’s my child also”.
“God you’re crazy.” was my response. “No way am I going to pray for that person! Look what he did!”
But God kept going on. Showing me that I’m not different from that person. That the hatred that I am showing proves that I’m no different.  How much His heart breaks b/c the person doesn’t know God. And that the same grace that saved me was reaching out to grab the person who took my dad’s wallet.

There at that church by God changed my heart–from hatred to His love. It’s just CRAZIEEE how God can change my heart!! It’s amazing…!!!  And so God keeps reminding me to pray for that guy.

When I was filing a police report for my car (b/c the insurance company wanted it), the police asked if I had any enemies or anyone who I was having problems with. “Satan” was my first thought. Though I didn’t say it out loud. Cus he’d probably think I’m crazy. It is true…

Where would I be if I didn’t know God… I’m not different in His eyes… Only by God’s grace… I’m slowly but surely growing… Thank You God!